What Do I Do Now? (grief)

          We find ourselves looking in on the waiting area of a hospital ward.  A father is speaking to his children.  He is telling them the sad news that their mother has just died.  He is anxious and upset and has great difficulty with the words.  The children, three of them, are looking at him in total bewilderment.  Angela, the eldest, is sixteen years old.  Anthony is the youngest; he is twelve years old.  And Monica, she is the middle child, just turned fourteen.

 

          The children are quite agitated now as the horrible news begins to sink in.  They all look at Dad for answers.  How could this happen?  Is it real?  They can’t seem to grasp it.  Mother is dead.  Impossible!  She was just here yesterday.  How can this be?  Dad tries to explain as we listen in on their conversation.

         

“Mom has been very sick for quite a long time.  She had what is called cancer and we were both hoping she could be cured, but that just didn’t happen.  Her illness kept progressing and we were both losing hope.  We did not want to tell you children how serious it was until we were certain which way it was going.  But, as you can see, we couldn’t even manage that.  Yesterday we were all sitting down together as a family having dinner as always.  Today I had to rush your mother here because her illness took a quick turn for the worse.  Before the doctors could even determine what was happening, mom slipped into a coma and then passed away shortly after.”

 

          The children were crying now.  All of them looked on in disbelief as their faces began to register the shock.  They heard the words but were struggling to comprehend their meaning.  It was just too unbelievable and overwhelming.

          “We didn’t even know she was sick” Anthony cried out.  “How could this have happened?”

          “I know” Dad responded.  “I wish I could have warned you.  It’s not fair to have you three face this loss so suddenly.  Your mother and I wanted to tell you really, but we kept hoping for a miracle.”

 

          Angela, the eldest, began to speak.  “Dad, how could this happen?  How could Mum just die like that?  I don’t understand.  I just don’t get it.  She was O.K. yesterday, wasn’t she Dad?” as the tears rolled down her face.

          “Yes, she was dear, as best as she could be, with the illness advancing as it was.”

          “But she didn’t show anything,” Anthony said angrily.  “She looked fine to me.  How can she be dead?  She looked just fine” he added again.  And his voice trailed off as his tears began to flow.

          “I know, son.  Believe me, I know.  I’m just as shocked as you are and I knew how sick she had become.”

          “But Dad,” Anthony went on, “why did this happen?  Mom was a good person, wasn’t she?  She treated us all so well.  God doesn’t take away good people, does He?”

          “I’m afraid He does, son.  Eventually God comes for all of us, good or bad.”

          “I don’t understand Dad” Anthony continued.  “I just don’t understand” and he sat down to put his face in his hands.  Angela sat beside him.  She was crying too.

 

          Only Monica remained quiet for the moment.  She was the deep thinker in the family.  She always waited until everyone had their say before proceeding.  Then she would open up.  Dad knew this and waited for her.  He knew there was no use pretending with Monica and there was no use pushing her either.  She would start when she was ready.

 

          Dad sat down between Angela and Anthony and held them both tightly.  Tears rolled down his face as well.  He’d thought about this moment.  He had dreaded it in fact and hoped never to have to face it.  Yet here he was telling his children their mother was gone and trying desperately to hold back his own rage and tears because he wanted to be there for them.  “How unfair” he thought.  “So young, they are all so young.  What will we do without Margaret?  What will we do without their mother?”

Just then, Monica began to speak, slowly at first, but then more quickly as her thoughts started coming together.

          “I knew all along Dad. I knew Mum was sick.  I heard her throwing up at night.  I heard you two talking about ‘after.’  I figured it all out.  I asked my teacher about what kind of sickness made a person throw up all the time and she said ‘sounds like cancer.’  I didn’t know for sure, but I finally figured it out.  You took her to the cancer clinic once and I was across the street.  Up until then I wasn’t quite sure, but after that I was fairly certain.”

          “But Monica, why didn’t you ask us if you had suspicions?” Dad asked.  “We would have told you then.  Your mother and I agreed that we would keep quiet as long as there was hope for a recovery and no suspicions on the part of you kids.”

          “Dad!  Dad!” Monica interrupted.  “I didn’t want to know at first.  I just didn’t want it to be true.  I thought if I put it out of my mind it wouldn’t be real.  I wanted it to go away.  I hated it.  I just hated it. I hated that word ‘cancer’.”  Monica was becoming louder now as her emotions rose to the surface.  “I just didn’t want it to be real” she repeated.

          Just then, Angela jumped in.

          “I knew too, Dad.  I saw Mum throwing up once and asked her what was wrong.  She said she had a little indigestion.  But I knew she had been to the doctor’s that morning because I saw the name of the cancer clinic on a parking sticker.”

          “You too?” Dad said, now looking quite exasperated.

          “Yes, me too” Angela replied.

 

          Dad was stunned.  Two of his children knew, or suspected something, but hadn’t said a word about it.  He looked at his son now, ready to ask if he knew as well.  But, before he could pose the question, Anthony shook his head from side to side.  He did not know and no one had shared their suspicions with him.

          “I had no idea” Anthony finally said.  No, he had no idea at all.  If Mum was sick, he hadn’t seen it.  If she had changed, he had not noticed.  His life kept him quite busy.  No time really to notice what was going on at home.

          “Where is she now? Monica asked.

          “She’s in a room down the hall where they look after bodies” Dad answered flatly.  “There’s no use pretending now” he thought.  “It’s time for total honesty on every detail” and then, before he could resume speaking, Monica interrupted him again.

          “No, Dad, not her body.  Where is Mum?”

“Oh,” Dad repeated, “where is Mum?”

The other two looked at him as well, apparently with the same question on their minds.

          Dad looked really sad now.  He had not been prepared for this.  How do you answer such a question?  “We were never really a spiritually oriented family” he thought, “at least not openly.”  How would he answer this one?  But before he could finish gathering his thoughts together, Anthony spoke up.

“She’s in Heaven” he said firmly.  “That’s where all good

Moms go.”

          “Oh, go on” Angela jumped in.  “Who told you that?”

“Sister Mary” he quickly answered, “at my friend Ricky’s

school.”

          “Well, that’s what the Catholics believe” Angela shot back.

Monica stepped in then. 

          “Well, where do you think she is, Angela?”

“I don’t know” Angela replied.  “I hope there is a heaven.  I’d

like for Mom to be there as well.”

“Me too!” Anthony added.

 

Dad looked sullen again.  His children were discussing spiritual matters and he had no answers for them.  Margaret had always believed in God he knew, so that’s what she would have answered too.  But he wasn’t so sure.  If there was a God, why then would He take such a wonderful person as Margaret?  No, he could not help his children here.  So many questions, too few answers.  He was at a loss on this one.  But not for long it seemed, as a woman came walking toward them.

“Hello,” she began.  “My name is Amanda and I am from Support Services here in the hospital.  I’ve just been informed that you have lost a loved one and I’m here to see if I can help.”

A look of relief spread across Dad’s face.  “Oh my goodness, yes” he answered.  “How can we thank you for your offer?”

“Well, let’s see what I can do first” Amanda replied warmly and motioned for the family to follow her.

As they walked down the hall, Monica smiled.  She knew this lady could help.  She had already called Support Services here, got scared though and chose to hang up, but not before she heard: “Hello, this is Amanda of Support Services.  How may I help you?”